What a fucking waste of an outfit
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
