We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
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