i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
he shaved USA in his pubs
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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