i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
