Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
