I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Acid is not a monday night drug
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
