So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Randomize