So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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