so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
