It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Randomize
