I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
