guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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