Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Randomize