this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Randomize
