I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
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