i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
