who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
