Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Randomize
