Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
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