Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
