I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
