so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
