When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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