I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
