talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
