dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
This couple is walking their pig around campus
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