i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Randomize
