the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
