I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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