First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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