Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
