Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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