i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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