before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
