i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Randomize
