My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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