I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
