We should be called the Road Head Warriors
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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