I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize