did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Randomize
