You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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