so that wasnt chicken after all
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
two words: eviction party
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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