Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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