At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
