We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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