bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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