I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
