My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
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