i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
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