I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
