Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
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