Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Randomize
