i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize