so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
i used baking grease as lip gloss
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Randomize
