I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
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