is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
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