She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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