The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
