Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
