I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Randomize
