Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
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