The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Randomize
