So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
