i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
