Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
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