4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
