Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
