Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
