Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
