just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
