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Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
