you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
