i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
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