They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Randomize