ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
